Tuesday, January 28, 2003
ugh ugh ugh... the site meter doesn't work. i must have lost my Engineer touch. :P ok... debugging, here we come.
Been wrestling with the things in life that we can't control... and to see our loved ones in a destructive pattern... Hate feeling helpless. I know that's why i run. I don't want to remember the pain and feeling helpless... even if i know that God is in charge. The flip side of asking God is what happens when God says no? To avoid that disappointment, sometimes, it's easier to not ask at all. *grin* um. yah. me likes to hide.
ok ok, on a lighter note. I'm house-sitting this week! Beautiful house, great kids, and CUTE DOGS! ohhhhhh. They're soooo cute. I think these dogs may have converted me from a cat-person to a dog-person! :) Nothing beats having a dog snuggling up next to you when you're watching TV late at night. Cute cute... if only i can post their pix here. sigh. i'll miss them much. Pity the kids i'm house-sitting for tho'. No good chinese food for them this week. :P Take out time.
Been wrestling with the things in life that we can't control... and to see our loved ones in a destructive pattern... Hate feeling helpless. I know that's why i run. I don't want to remember the pain and feeling helpless... even if i know that God is in charge. The flip side of asking God is what happens when God says no? To avoid that disappointment, sometimes, it's easier to not ask at all. *grin* um. yah. me likes to hide.
ok ok, on a lighter note. I'm house-sitting this week! Beautiful house, great kids, and CUTE DOGS! ohhhhhh. They're soooo cute. I think these dogs may have converted me from a cat-person to a dog-person! :) Nothing beats having a dog snuggling up next to you when you're watching TV late at night. Cute cute... if only i can post their pix here. sigh. i'll miss them much. Pity the kids i'm house-sitting for tho'. No good chinese food for them this week. :P Take out time.
Thursday, January 23, 2003
more and more, i'm appreciating what only time can build... friendships, trust, maturity... We'd like to grow up and reach maturity without going through all the messy stuff. Instant Wisdom!! That's what we want. Fortunately, some things still get better with age.
a piece of encouragement i got today... puts things in perspective all of a sudden. :) as i shared with an old friend about this new, short-lived crush, she said that learning to release is a useful skill in her relationship because it is something that she needs to do over and over again. I was blown away.
What?! Don't i *get* to keep him when the right one comes along?! And i was sooooo looking forward to that... finally not needing to grieve, or cut off my affections. "It isn't the affections that we need to cut off... it is the expectations that comes along with the affections." she said.
Wise words. It is releasing him from fulfilling my expectations, because only Jesus can meet them. It is releasing him from meeting my needs because God is my portion. Thus, the process of releasing and letting go. I guess God *is* teaching me about relationships even in my singleness.
Nothing is wasted in God's kingdom. whew.
a piece of encouragement i got today... puts things in perspective all of a sudden. :) as i shared with an old friend about this new, short-lived crush, she said that learning to release is a useful skill in her relationship because it is something that she needs to do over and over again. I was blown away.
What?! Don't i *get* to keep him when the right one comes along?! And i was sooooo looking forward to that... finally not needing to grieve, or cut off my affections. "It isn't the affections that we need to cut off... it is the expectations that comes along with the affections." she said.
Wise words. It is releasing him from fulfilling my expectations, because only Jesus can meet them. It is releasing him from meeting my needs because God is my portion. Thus, the process of releasing and letting go. I guess God *is* teaching me about relationships even in my singleness.
Nothing is wasted in God's kingdom. whew.
Friday, January 17, 2003
Ok, today is a... *Pouring Out* day... some days are... Refreshing Rest Stops... other days are... well... not rest stops. ;)
transparency... we're a generation that longs for authenticity. *grin* altho' authenticity to the extreme is shocking... there IS such a thing as *TMI* Too Much Information! Hello! :) Still learning the fine art of being transparent for a purpose.... not simply chaotic transparency.
sharing is draining. :) even when it blesses others. it's like giving a piece of your soul to another. it's funny... it's just words... words and memories, but somehow it's the connecting that recharges you and drains you at the same time. maybe i'm more introverted than i thought.
transparency... we're a generation that longs for authenticity. *grin* altho' authenticity to the extreme is shocking... there IS such a thing as *TMI* Too Much Information! Hello! :) Still learning the fine art of being transparent for a purpose.... not simply chaotic transparency.
sharing is draining. :) even when it blesses others. it's like giving a piece of your soul to another. it's funny... it's just words... words and memories, but somehow it's the connecting that recharges you and drains you at the same time. maybe i'm more introverted than i thought.
Thursday, January 16, 2003
Sigh... my last posting disappeared. Poof! Zap! Gone... oh well, maybe the world's better off not hearing about my latest rantings. ;)
... stupid bugs.
Life has slowly settled down to normal... In my normal struggles as a single girl in her 30's, i have come to yet another nice Rest Stop. :) Started to look at my day and purposefully enjoying the "little things" in life. :) There was a time where i really enjoyed the *simple* things... hanging out with friends, chatting online, beautiful sunny day, and just dressing up and looking *GOOD*. o__O hee hee. And i just havn't been able to ENJOY these things and really treasure the joy they brought to my heart... all because of a boy. And that was soooo dumb! Because not only am i dealing with letting things go... BUT... i've LOST all the joy that God gave me every day! As i grieved one of the disappointments in life, I'm slowly discovering the simple joys that only a single girl could enjoy... freedom to visit my guy friends, inpromptu lunches with girl friends, meeting new people, unrushed date with coffee and my fav. book at your local Starbucks coffee... (ok ok, don't shoot me... i love their music, what can i say...) Yes, this girl is BACK! Rest Stops with God are always... so refreshing.
... stupid bugs.
Life has slowly settled down to normal... In my normal struggles as a single girl in her 30's, i have come to yet another nice Rest Stop. :) Started to look at my day and purposefully enjoying the "little things" in life. :) There was a time where i really enjoyed the *simple* things... hanging out with friends, chatting online, beautiful sunny day, and just dressing up and looking *GOOD*. o__O hee hee. And i just havn't been able to ENJOY these things and really treasure the joy they brought to my heart... all because of a boy. And that was soooo dumb! Because not only am i dealing with letting things go... BUT... i've LOST all the joy that God gave me every day! As i grieved one of the disappointments in life, I'm slowly discovering the simple joys that only a single girl could enjoy... freedom to visit my guy friends, inpromptu lunches with girl friends, meeting new people, unrushed date with coffee and my fav. book at your local Starbucks coffee... (ok ok, don't shoot me... i love their music, what can i say...) Yes, this girl is BACK! Rest Stops with God are always... so refreshing.
